August 7th, 2008 at 5:33 am
(Friends, Thoughts, WoW)
I haven’t been around much, to be very honest. I’ve been ill with some mysterious sinus bug that has already outlived some monster horse pill action.
WoW has begun to bore me. The biggest kick I get out of it at the moment is the wondrous feeling I get “fleecing” people on a server that is not my home server. When I say “fleecing” what I really mean is taking advantage of the new laziness and ignorance people have. Now that dailies have brought in a great influx of gold, people won’t hesitate to spend 3 gold a pop on a stack of copper bars, 26+ gold on a stack of cooked deviate fish, or to pay an inflated price for agile boots they can go get for under 50 silver with little to no effort. This is good for someone who has no reserve of money on a new server but murder when you want to buy things like wool, which has been going upwards of 4.5 gold a stack. I cackle to myself every time I open my mail on my hunter. Our friend Fen laughs his butt off at me every time I tell him what I’ve been up to.
read the rest of Bur
June 20th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
(Uncategorized)
Sorry there Sigil- whilst moving everything to my new computer I sorta lost the note that I needed to renew my domain name. I still owe you e-mail. I’ll get off me bum soonish.
Guild-wise- I’m raiding but not as much. The GL finally said I could go moonkin but with the healing roster as it is, it’s a pretty hollow victory- if you can see where I’m going with that.
Ummm not much other news- just that I have my mother’s dim dog to take care of until Monday and er… very bad sinuses.
I’m boring this week, I know.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
(Uncategorized)
It’s my birthday for another 14 minutes or so.
Felt about as expected today.
Will remain incommunicado for some time.
So much for being a year older.
May 24th, 2008 at 3:05 am
(Grieving, WoW)
So um. The guild blew up again, only this time I was in the middle of it. I don’t want to rehash something I’ve hashed far too much but let us suffice it to say again- I will not be treated poorly in order for asshats to progress. We’ve had far too many people crapping on each other, the buck stopped with me, and I’m no longer raiding. Will I raid again? Right now it’s a big fat NO. As far as I’m concerned, several people can take their Black Temple and their Archimonde and their attitudes and shove them up their arses sideways. Some seemed to think Eloric and I were kidding when we made our post that included people’s poor attitudes until it happened in voice chat. Just because it’s the internet and you don’t know many people personally- it’s no reason to drop common civility even though you feel like a robot doing it. Oh, and if you’re drunk, maybe you shouldn’t be in vent, especially if you’re an officer who likes to hear your own voice.
This happened like two weeks ago and I debated quitting altogether. I didn’t play for oh, say, around a week or so and then I rolled a slew of (mostly Alliance) characters on two different servers. The highest I have is a lvl 16 goatadin, a level 14 belf priest, and a lvl 13 orc hunter. I also have various alliance paladins, hunters, mages, rogues, and the lvl 8 male human warlock I rolled to laugh at when he runs. The male human run is so corny. My lvl 36 troll hunter doesn’t count because she’s on a PvP server… the last thing I want is to be ganked when I’m trying to zone out. That’s a little more attention than I’m willing to pay right now. Heh.
I also wanted to announce that I will be out of it for a while. Sunday marks the one year anniversary of Dad’s passing and I’ve already been acting out as it is. I’ll answer all e-mail and whatnot um… soonish or something. I owe two people responses that I know of.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
(Uncategorized)
I usually read a lot of message boards, etc. to keep my mind off of the IC and whatnot. Lately I’ve been seeing a trend in them where if one person does not agree with everyone else, they are attacked. I’m not talking about espousing unpopular ideas or hurtful ones, I’m mostly talking about respectfully disagreeing. I’ve also noticed, as I mentioned below, about the unusually clannish nature of some boards. I think I’m going to stop reading boards for a while. Where they used to be helpful, many of them have degraded to cliques and generally nasty people. I don’t really need that sort of thing right now.
I’m not going to unsubscribe from some yet but others I think I will let go. I think one of the problems is that if you have a need/problem/illness that is not mainstream, it encourages clannishness and isn’t conducive to welcoming late-comers/new people/people with their own minds. I haven’t commented on any boards for quite some time and now it looks like a waste of effort. I’ve been going to them mostly to see people worse off than myself anyway, to try and make myself feel better but instead I see people yelling at others because, for example, they have atypical responses to known IC trigger foods or simply because they define a belief differently from another person who posts to the boards. Schadenfraude probably isn’t such a great way to cope anyway. 
It just seems to me that people seem angrier than normal this spring and with my own anger to deal with, it’s not good to have a steady diet of other people’s anger to gorge myself on.
April 26th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
(Grieving, Uncategorized)
I joined a grief discussion board about a week ago and managed to post the entire story about Dad, which is what they asked you to do. I made a few comments trying to help on others’ posts but it’s like I’m not there to the members of the board at all. It’s like a circle jerk of grief and I’m not worthy enough to come yank my emotions out with them. The board looked to be the best, most compassionate one I could find but the people there are all regulars and personally, I don’t want to have to scrape at the door like a desperate cat caught out in the rain to get attention from these self-absorbed ninnies. That’s probably unfair to call them names, since grief makes people self-centered (HI!) but it makes me feel better to poke at them for shunning the outsider. I’m not banging my head against a wall with those people any more. In this day and age, a week is long enough to have read a post and commented if you gave a crap at all.
I’ve read that the second year after a loved one’s death is harder than the first because the protective numbness is gone. I can vouch for that… though it hasn’t been quite a year yet. I’m still in the middle of my first big “grief attack”. I’m all screwed up again. I cried until I gave myself sinus problems and frankly, if someone looked at me wrong today, I’d probably try to strangle them.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
(Grieving)
I remember saying in the winter that I believed I would feel better or could at least deal better with Dad’s death when spring came. Well, I was wrong. If anything, I am more angry than before but it’s packed away so tightly that when I get mad- usually at poor, long-suffering Eloric- I have no clue why I’m mad until it blindsides me. In winter at least I knew why I was upset. Now it seems I’m raging because spring is nice and Dad’s missing it. I really, really, really wish my grief was more logical- just so I could attend to it better. It’s beginning to make even less sense than before when I thought I would have had a handle on it by now. It’s like a virus, mutating, trying to get past my defenses. It’s almost like I’m living to deliberately hurt myself emotionally at totally unexpected times.
I keep having dreams about Dad and they’re never good. Ever. Either he’s dying in the hospital and, well, at least I’m there or it’s that we’ve just found out and I’m trying somehow to save him or help him. I never have any dreams where he’s just there or something nice happens. Eloric has all of those.
I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to be doing now to cope. Am I supposed to write through this and keep talking about the grief and Dad or am I supposed to totally distract myself? Do a little of both? Writing or talking about it hurts and it’s nothing I haven’t said or written a thousand times, so I’m not so sure one more re-hash is going to make a difference. I’ve started writing letters to Dad and burning them in a semi-ritualistic fashion. I’m hoping that, at least, will help. It helped in other cases, anyway.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
(Interstitial Cystitis, News, WoW)
I finally updated to the new version of WP and I must admit I despise the new backend. It’s not comfortable-looking like the old version. I suppose I’ll get used to it but it’s a really big change.
Eloric and I nearly quit the guild over the past two weeks. It has been a combination of things but mostly people being rude to each other in various ways, some lies, lack of leadership, and general crappiness. Personally, I don’t care if the GL finds this either but Eloric said some things that needed to be said and addressed some issues that needed addressing. Not everything is roses and there were more lies perpetuated but most things are now in the open. Because of the asshattedness of people, I have not raided for two weeks. I respecced and enjoyed the game for a while. I am, quite frankly, tired of being treated as a lobotomized monkey banging on a keyboard because the guild had problems with healing back on MC and the GL thinks it’s a great justification for ripping into the healers during a raid. What I don’t think he gets is that we sometimes have to take make-weight people because he’s burnt out several healers and others won’t spec healing for anything because they know what to expect in raids. Personally I don’t give a rip if he’s not addressing me, when- 8 times out of 10 he brings his crappy attitude to bear against the healers, it’s something some other person has done or game mechanics and random number generators creating havoc. Yeah, as I’ve said, we have some healers not performing to the level we need for certain encounters but instead of yelling all the damned time, perhaps Someone ought to take the time to query class leads and/or hold meetings to try to bring things up to par. Yanno- DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of just yelling like a little kid deprived of their lolly.
Due to spring allergies my IC has been flaring for the past 4 days as has my costochondritis and whatever hell my sinuses think they can get up to. I haven’t been this miserable in quite a long time. It’s been bad enough for me to pop both painkillers Dr. Asshat so graciously wrote me and to wish for unconsciousness. I’ll have to say it’s not as bad as it once was- thank gods- however, it is the worst I’ve been in over a year. I am glad I have two bottles of Prosed left and some vicodin left from my oral surgery, else I’d at least have to call Dr. Asshat’s office and get him to bestir himself enough to re-write Prosed for me. I wouldn’t have to submit myself to him for that, surely? I’m certain he’s pissed at me for not giving him wee last year after seeing him… but in my defense, I had a 9 month period and was deeply depressed and in mourning. Then again, he hates me anyway because Elmiron did nothing for me and I had the temerity to tell him I’d quit it because of all the blood everywhere like a B horror film. Damn me for not being in the 8% of people that it actually does something for.
Prosper has cat asthma from allergies. We took him and Nonnie in for an allergy jab last week. Otherwise both are healthy. Pants’ fur is slowly growing back.
I’m doing all right on my goals for this year. Moving’s been tough lately because of all the bladder issues but I think I’m about ready to try writing. Attempting spiritual matters has been relegated to smudging, mostly, and a little meditation, along with re-arranging my altar occasionally to bring needed things into my life. I must admit, I put red phantom quartz on my altar last week specifically to address the douchebaggery going on in my WoW life. I guess sometimes you just have to put your foot down and refuse to eat bullshite that people are trying to force feed you.
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