October 28th, 2005 at 11:18 pm
(Nature, News, Rants)
Went up to the river today for what will probably be the last hike of this year. I have some decent shots of yellow trees and my last shot of the twin trees I need for a 4 seasons collage-type thing for DA. I need to get that done this weekend so it doesn’t interfere with NaNo.
We finally made it into Eloric’s father and stepmother’s house after TWO YEARS and boy, I must say: His stepmother is certainly starved for attention. She damned near choked me when she grappled me for a hug. And talk. Damn but she talked and talked and talked some more. Got a lot of nice dirt on the family that way. I used mother’s patented act like you care trick. But more on that in just a few.
The hike was nice. The river is up and there wasn’t too much rocky beach to walk on when we finally got down by the springs. The springs were all but dried up again and truthfully, that was mainly what I was going for: to see the springs. But we collected some nice leaves and I got some more shots of the rusty old iron bridge there to brushify. And discovered a profusely-thorny tree that I really should identify. It would make a nice addition to the natural people-repelling fence I’m planning to grow for the yard starting next year. Ahh yes- the honey locust. I knew it was a locust-family tree but had not suspected that one. Excelllennntt.
So anyway. We have been dreadfully behind on the family news but that probably has to do with Eloric’s siblings’ dislike of us and our hatred of them. There have been children born that we knew nothing about, job changes, fuck-buddysignificant other changes, birthday invitations sent to our old e-mail address by people hoping for gifts and the ensuing lies about our failure to RSVP, changes of residence and all other sorts of train-wrecky fun. I think my favourite was the birthday e-mail.
Eloric’s sister has a girl-child that is 3 years old. Eloric’s sister is a lazy bint who likes to lie and create drama so she can feel special. This sister (I fail to remember her fake name. I need to write them down when I make them) knows that we don’t like her because of all sorts of rude things she spouted off from the day Eloric and I began dating, such as he didn’t need to be around me so much. The last drama we had from her before this one was also an e-drama where she said she wanted to hang out with us. We said no, we don’t trust his siblings, having been burnt by that line before, and wankst ensues. So: she is lazy and sends us an e-mail invitation to a birthday party of a 3 year old (which we wouldn’t have attended, even if it had been my best friend’s unborn 3 year old). Since the e-mail address no longer exists, we did not receive the e-mail. She tells Stepmother that we snubbed her and her pwesshus kiddiepops.
Look, I know the reasons you invite us are devious and greedy. If we don’t get the invite, you can wank about how we snub you and spracklefuzz and are evil. If we respond that we aren’t going to be able to make it and send no gift or money, you get to wank about how we are lying to avoid you and gigglegoop, how we snub you, and how stingy and hard-hearted we are because we didn’t give a gift. If we show up, you get to see us in pain whether we bring a gift or not AND you get to make up stories about how horribly we behaved, how we shat in the birthday cake and gave kyutiedrool a clot of used cat litter as a gift.
How do I know this? I’ve been married to your brother for 9 years- I can spot a pattern and I’ve made the mistake of clearing the slate after some of your numerous asshat attacks in years past. I know you’re in it for the wank and for the gift/money. This is why I refuse to play the DrunkenFarmer games any more. You are the soggiest scrag- goodbye!
Anyway. Eloric was nauseated because he cannot fully-forgive his stepmother for the mistreatment and the hell that he went through as a pre-teen and teen at her hands. And well, I was the mediator. I know- it sounds strange to hear me say that I was the temperate one but I was. Truth.
Other than that, some fucktard is lighting off strings of what I assume are cracker bombs in people’s yards in an attempt to scare the shit out of them tonight. I hope s/he blows a digit off because it’s not funny at 11:17pm.
October 27th, 2005 at 11:31 pm
(Aquired-Taste Updates, Rants)
Basically, this is me popping in to say that I’ve updated A-T.NET.
Also, note to neighbour woman who hired the 10yr old to look after her 5yr old: If your child rips through my shrubs again, you had better pray to gawd that I don’t catch him- because if I catch him, I’m going to drag him into my garage, put him through the food-processor, and use him to fertilise the very shrubs he half-destroyed. Don’t think I won’t- How do you think I got my sordid reputation…?
If he’d just molested the shrubs near the alley, I wouldn’t have scared the bejesus out of him but he crashed through the grown-together shrubs halfway (roughly 25-30 ft.) into my yard, stopping five feet from me.
I will mulch him.
You’ve been warned.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
(Interstitial Cystitis)
I’m pretty depressed today. I think if we could spare the money, I would actually start going back to the therapist again. Collectively, this is getting too much to bear and I’m running out of ways to cope.
It’s bad enough that I have a chronic pain disorder. Add to that that it happens to be one some doctors deny even exists. Add to that the fact that even though I have excruciating pain for at least 4 days a month and lesser but life-effecting pain around 9 more days a month and then the fear that anything could set it off for the rest of the month. Now stir in that my doctor who is treating this refuses to do anything more for my pain than to give me the smallest dose of bladder analgesics, a analgesic that doesn’t work on the worst pain, and keeps upping the medicine that makes me bleed like a fscking B horror picture. But I’m not done.
See, there is the guilt during all of this bitching that there are many people who are much, much more worse off than I am. Then there is the anger that there are people who actually get pain medicines. Then there is the bitterness when I read people who have pain medications or treatments I’d kill for, complain that all they get is oxycontin with only darvocet for breakthrough pain (and granted, they might need more than that but I’m being bitter and depressed here) and I can’t get the doctor to do anything more than write me candy-like substances, let alone get instillations or a TENS unit. Then there’s more guilt because, well, at least I get something, whereas I know people who have to get stuff grey market over the internet.
But the main reason I’m depressed today is because I have just realised that my mother doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand that I can be good one day and then in agony the next. She doesn’t seem to get that I don’t have any control over this. I don’t believe she thinks that I am faking but I do believe she is somewhat upset that I can’t suck the pain up like she can and try to be normal. She said to me today, and it may have just hit me the wrong way- “But you were feeling fine yesterday. What is it: one day on, one day off?” And it took me back to the time I had major depression because of BCPs and Eloric being off in Virginia, when she yelled at me and told me that I was only moping around to get attention and that I needed to get off of it because it was only in my head. I have forgiven her for that but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there in my mind whenever I tell her I’m in pain.
And it’s not as if I have anyone else but Eloric to talk to about it. I have casual internet friends but none I wish to impose upon. That’s about it. My only RL friend has become an internet friend because of distance and other factors and well, frankly, I don’t think she wants to hear about it either, since she has a lot on her mind right now. Plus, apparently one of our ICQs has a glitch and whole messages get lost and you never know when they’ll get eaten. And I don’t want to bother her in other ways, since our friendship seems to be different somehow. *sigh*
So I need to pay someone to listen to me blubber and spout about this whole shituation and to advise me on how to cope because I’m out of ideas. I’m not even sure about how to go about getting a different uro if this one continues to be a putz.
October 24th, 2005 at 2:04 am
(Better Living Through Chemistry, Cats, Fannish, Interstitial Cystitis)
I’m alive. I guess. Yeah, I’m alive because I’m pretty sure if I were dead that I wouldn’t be in this much pain. And by the way- did you know that Satan’s moved Hell into my bladder? I know- I don’t even believe in that particular definition of hell but it didn’t stop him from filling that particular organ with boiling acid, pitchforks, and Dr. Mengele. I’m sending Prosed, Darvocet, and a very angry-looking statue of Quan Yin in after it all.
I haven’t taken my Elmiron since the middle of September. I stopped taking it because I had to have a tooth crowned but I stayed off it because the nosebleeds, the bruises brought on by witnessing someone else getting hit, and the receding gums were just too much to handle. I didn’t tell the Uro… because he seems to regard Elmiron as some sort of heavenly miracle instead of the little pill of horrors that it is. Elmiron never did anything for me but screw me up. I’m going to talk to him about trying it again at the lowest dose but if it destroys my gums again, I am not staying on it.
I have started Thurien on Soft Paws, which are sort of Lee Press On Nails for cats. He’s been hurting the other kitties too much with his monster paws, even when I trimmed back his claws, so it’s plastic sheaths for him.
The neighbour across the street had a huge fricking party last night and one of her guests threw a bag of beer bottles and other party trash in our yard. We’d been out Krogering and we came back and saw the white plastic bag of refuse at the edge of our yard, near the driveway. To her credit, the neighbour girl came out and asked if it was our trash, which it wasn’t, and she carted it away. She it much more polite and considerate than our other neighbours. However, those neighbours aren’t blocking the alley at the present time… though I don’t know if it will change in the future… thanks to Eloric’s “innocent” comment to the local hairstylist.
I’m writing the last bit of my outline for my NaNo this week. I’m quite excited about NaNo this year. I’m hoping I’ll be able to “win” again.
I’m also re-doing all of my fan-listing layouts one by one. I just made-over the David Gray Fanlist yesterday. I think I’m probably going to tackle (heheheheheh) McCoy next. I’m tired of most of the old layouts. I’m also not impressed with a lot of the codes. I re-did all of Dave’s codes too.
I dunno what ever happened to the Layout Marathon for this month but come next month, I’m changing my collective layout again.
Blah.
October 20th, 2005 at 3:47 pm
(Poetry)
Tanka- Wikipedia
organic jewel
a crimson like dragon’s blood
shines among the green
waiting to float on the wind
the first to color the breeze
October 20th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
(Poetry)
Waka -Wikipedia
cast over the land
a thick veil of living green
soaks up the sky-tears.
even the air is verdant
and crisp with the scent of rain,
sweet like a fresh-picked apple.
October 15th, 2005 at 4:56 pm
(Rants)
The other day I was ambushed by a very large dog on my evening walk. It looked like a standard poodle/German Shepherd mix… in that it had the fur of the poodle and some of the features but was honking big and also shared features with the shepherd. Whatever. I was walking down the street with Eloric and before I knew what was going on, I heard a brief noise of dog running on pavement dragging leash, and Gargantua was trying to scale me like a ladder. I had a WTF moment while Eloric tried to pry the beast off of me and it tried a second time to ascend my body using my shoulders as a springboard. The person walking the dog was a kid that the dog outweighed by a good 30lbs.
We gave the dog back to Skinny McStickly and got back to walking. A few steps away from the scene and my back went out. Dammit. My back hasn’t gone out since Borg*Mart, when I had to have physical therapy. Someone needs to inform the adult owners of that dog that if it is stronger than their kid that gee, maybe they ought to walk it. So I’m busy being bitter since my damned back hurts… though the bladder is pretty good today, thank ya 
Last night we saw the Nature Rapist parking in the grassed-over, yet open alley between our house and the house to the south. Now, since technically, this alley is considered open, it is public access and illegal to block. And who is that blocking it? Why, it is the person who yelled at us for walking along a waterway with right of public access, loudly asserting that he owned it all of the way to the centre of the water. So, naturally, I loudly made fun of him, saying that it was an open alley and that we owned up to the centre of it and paid taxes to the centre of it, and that it was not a parking lot, and that he needed to move his pick up. 20 minutes later, the truck had been moved.
I really wish the neighbour to the south hadn’t paved part of the alley when she paved her driveway because now every redneck that comes in and out of her house thinks that s/he can park in the alley. Either it’s open or it’s closed and you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say it’s open when you want your son to be able to ride his 4-wheeler up and down it and then assert that it is closed when you want your friends/fsck-buddies to have extra space to park in. It wouldn’t be an issue at all, since we only use it maybe 4x a year to bring gardening materials into the back yard- but since it’s a open roadway, the fire trucks can use it and local traffic (but rarely, though still…) and we don’t want our young wall of shrubs knocked down by vehicles or people driving wide to get around the idiots who park in the alley.
I would talk to her, which I am capable of doing nicely and civilly, but I don’t get results. Since Eloric seems to be taken much more seriously than I do, he has said that he will talk with the neighbour and explain to her that people cannot park there because, even though she’s paved half of it, as there is no claim of maintenance on town property and she cannot take it over… also meaning even though she’s paved it, people may not park there. I believe she simply does not understand this as she is not a vindictive person as some of our new neighbours are. She’s just um…. reeeeaaallllyyy friendly with a lot of men. And unaware.
I still want to move out of town. I would rather live in a woods and have to deal with the occasional hunters than deal with the twits who’re moving in now. And I’ll say it ’till I’m blue in the face but this town used to be OK until Joseph and Jolene moved in and broke the seal. We’re just getting crowded out by entitlement-minded rednecks who’ve no consideration for anyone but themselves. I liked it better when the town was full of old people and quiet, respectful middle-ageds, and the one or two young people who knew how to behave. I wish these gomers would go and find a different town to wreck. 
October 13th, 2005 at 4:30 pm
(Fannish, Rants)
I was going through some of my old Diaryland diary (they don’t delete them unless you beg, folks, and I’m that lazy) and I came across one entry that was repeatedly slammed in the guestbook- My aversion to the slash of a particular fandom, specifically Ed Green/Jack McCoy slash. I’m not down wid dat- never have been, never will be. I wrote how I didn’t even find it in character for those two together. That, however is neither here nor there and I don’t wish to elaborate on it at this time.
What my problem today is- psychotic fans who take it as a personal affront that you don’t like their particular fandom/AU Fanfic/kink. What I don’t understand is people who think that you are ruining their universe because you don’t think Ged on Vetch action, for example, is nifty. Not only are you ruining their universe but they need to tell you what a terrible person you are because you dared to think that Morrolan e’Drien shouldn’t be getting Vlad up the arse and are dead against it. It is impossible for them to click the little X or scroll down or open a different site. You are a horrible doo-doo head, you’re probably fat and ugly, you cannot get laid, and you’re probably having sex with your cats.
What I have to say is: Jeez people- it’s a fandom. A fictional experience. It’s not like people are saying they hate you. You may feel that it is an important part of you but they’re not rejecting you as a person. Not everyone is going to value your taste in fictional things- this is life. Heck, in life you have bigger things to worry about than whether Random Internet Blogger likes MPreg fic or not. In the end, does it really matter? Shouldn’t you worry more about whether your personal rights are valued if you’re female/Pagan/transgendered/etc, rather than something that doesn’t affect if you can go out of your house whenever you want or not?
Does it irk me that some people absolutely hate Jack? No and it never has. People are entitled to their opinions on him and really, I find it a backhanded compliment that they hate him because it proves what a strong character he is, to be able to get such a polarized reaction out of someone. Do I get mad when people get down on Earthsea (book, not movie)? Naw. I figure if they hate it, it’s their problem. I don’t have to read their electronic hatred. I can go elsewhere. I save my vitriol for things I cannot change or should not have to change to make people happy- such as attacks on my spirituality or my childfreedom or my gender. I suppose I shouldn’t let it bother me but it got really old there for a while.
There is being a fan and there is unhealthy obsession and psychosis. The need to personally attack someone because they don’t revel in your particular fandom is, in my opinion, unbalanced.
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