January 31st, 2006 at 12:28 am
(Cats, Interstitial Cystitis, News)
Well, I’ve spent another week vegetarian and this week passed easier than the last thanks to some insights I had during the first week of the experiment. I need to cut down on my cheese consumption, which will be difficult as I’m not so keen to eat even more grains and the only vegetables I am able to tolerate as of right now are carrots, lettuce, and potatoes- and potatoes are also starches as are carrots to a lesser extent. *sigh* I’ll figure this thing out, I’m sure.
Meat is still looking like a non-food item, though it has tempted me with its convenience, especially in the form of pepperoni and canned tuna at least twice in the past week. The addition of walnuts to the menu has really cut down the overpowering cravings for easy protein though. I had a bad experience with Eloric’s turkey taco meat the other day- It looked like ground up dog turds. I nearly hurled. *shakes head* This is all still very strange to me. Will it pass? Is it permanent? I still can’t say. If it’s a phase, it’s a pretty lasting one.
Eloric’s mother called the other day. I had the impression that she didn’t want to talk to me (not that it bothers me in the least, horrible woman) because she said that she thought I’d be at work, which was the reason why she was calling Eloric right then. Man- guess who’s out of the loop? I would have thought someone would have shared the Schadenfreude with her, as it does tend to pass from Eloric’s step mother quite easily and percolates down through the family gossip chain. All of that aside, I forgot myself and told her I had IC and then had to listen to her insincere clucking after I had to explain to her what it was.
To fast-forward: she had to call back later to catch Eloric and got him while he was playing his 
game. I guess she had e-mailed but since we’ve switched providers, it naturally did not get though and she wanted him to know that she had choked on a piece of food and it had torn her oesophagus and no, she was not on her deathbed, so don’t listen to the rumours. You would think that people would accept that from time to time e-mail still gets eaten in cyberspace. *shrug* He said he kept telling her he was busy. Eloric has plenty of reasons outside of her repeated attempts to sabotage our marriage to be unsympathetic- I just don’t feel like typing them out.
Other than that, I’ve been writing. This and that. I’m in a hellacious hormone flare, so I have plenty of time to write and a great need for distraction.
And in very happy news- The flaxseed oil seems to be benefiting Nonnie as his fur seems to be growing back.
January 24th, 2006 at 1:53 am
(Interstitial Cystitis, News, Writing)
Well, I spent the last week totally vegetarian. Go me: I managed to complete my goal despite cruelly-strong urges for quick protein and general laziness. I rediscovered the goodness that is Chebe bread and ate some wacked-out, whole-seed crackers. Oh, and carrots and lots of curry noodles. It was a nice experiment, especially since it was successful, so I’ve decided to see if I can stay vegetarian for the next three weeks and some odd days to make a month of this dietary excursion. So: We’ll re-evaluate in that amount of time to see whether I have made it, if I wish to extend the experiment further, and perhaps my thoughts about the experience.
I polished up my German this week… it’s not in as sad a state of repair as I had thought, really. I yoinked some background from The Knights of the Blood: At Sword’s Point (which is totally written for a man and a little weak in places, if you want my opinion), and researched the Thule Society just a tad, so I could plunk some characters into a magically-active AU earth, circa 1939 or so (and thank Adam Hilton retroactively for the books he shared with me in high school, though he’s totally unaware of my gratitude). No Hellboy plot line but a different take on Waldleuten or Waldvolk or whatever you’d like to call them. Basically angry land spirits vs. Hitler. Nature kicks the hell out of the Nazis. The End. In brief. On paper, not getting digitized. People just have to trust me when I say that I’ve written it. A little something for Eloric to read in his spare time and an entertaining way to use what’s left of what was going to be my livelihood.
I also took the time to Google the doctor I’ll be seeing next month and was happily surprised that this “interest in IC” that Dr. Asshat mentioned actually means that she studied the urinary system and is a Urogyn. Well, well, well. This might actually benefit me. How nice. If I remember correctly she sits on some board that has to do with female urology. Hnh. Splendid. Hopefully she’s not a female version of Asshat.
January 17th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
(Rants)
This is getting a little old.
Thanks to Menards’ sale of our information to third parties, some woman just called me up saying that her company had made a “website for your business” and she wanted us to take a look at it. Yeah. That’s right- a website for our business, which is purely in the Collective Universal Imagination at this point. There is no stopping the Collective Universal Imagination. We have a business. I wonder where they got that from. *scratch head* I didn’t catch the name of the company because she had some strange mix of accents going on that sort of mumble-slurred the sounds of words together. It sounded rather like Vmmmprooiiddaalhh. Er, whatever web-design business that could be. I certainly have no clue and I was lucid enough to understand conversations held in regular English.
I interrupted her and told her that we didn’t have a business. What I should have done is ask where her employer got our information from… not that I don’t already know. I must slap a sticky note on the desk here so I remember to ask people that and only then set them straight about the non-existence of this business everyone’s so rabid to cater to. I just get so irritated since we’re often getting two calls a business day from people wanting to deal with an enterprise that never existed in the first place. Calls which usually happen at very inconvenient times. Like after I have an episode of insomnia and can’t sleep until 9am… and they call at 9:20am when I’ve just drifted off.
Damn Menards.
January 17th, 2006 at 12:27 am
(Thoughts)
There’s something very odd going on with me that I feel compelled to write. I know I said I was considering a media fast but this is rather important.
This whole Week-Long Vegetarian Experiment… It’s only been a day but I’ve got something going on here. It’s like whenever I think of eating meat, I want to cry. I feel tainted. That is so not like me; I (used to) quite like chicken, at least. I went to cook some bacon for Eloric so he could have supper tonight and it looked different, like how wheat products look to me- as a non-food item. It’s bizarre, very bizarre.
I know something happened to me while I was down with the flu, a sort of change of energy, so to speak… I’m trying to refrain from sounding crunchy-windchimey. Then I read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh and three days later, I decide to try vegetarianism again. And really mean it. WTF?
I’m wondering if this is something concrete or just a little jaunt into something different… however I feel different.
I’m not one given to introspective, revealing blog entries, since they’ve been used by people to wound me in the past but I thought I should write this- whether I keep on this path or not.
I guess the virtue is in trying at all, even if I fail.
January 16th, 2006 at 7:38 am
(Better Living Through Chemistry, Cats, Thoughts)
Hnnnmmm.
I don’t have too much to say. I’ve decided to try the vegetarian thing for a week to see how I can cope. I don’t want to sound neurotic or crunchy but lately, eating meat has made me feel… dirty somehow. A feeling between “hey, this is messing up my body somehow” and “how can I claim to love animals if my love for them is equally as gastric as heart-felt?”. And not wanting to ingest suffering, since I’m suffering enough on my own without causing some animals to suffer for my convenience. I don’t know if I can make it a week eating healthy and vegetarian, but I’m going to try. I was vegetarian there for about 4 months or so when I worked There in That Department after a particularly bad experience with some cajun roast beef. But that was when I could still eat wheat. :/ I was also same last year for about 3 weeks but that was just sheer laziness on my part because getting up off the heating pad for 20min to cook the stuff was simply too much for me. 
I’ve started the cats on soft cat food with flaxseed oil- mainly for Nonnie’s benefit, since he’s pulling out his fur again. 
I’m hoping that the combination of added nutrition and oil will calm his skin down. Otherwise, I’m going to have to take him to get poked again, and I’d just soon as not- not because of the hassle… I just don’t want my sweetie-bum poked and sad. And it has the added benefit of making everyone happy. They get a treat and I’m happy because they are.
I’ve stopped the Levora- it’s finally brought my costochrondritis out of remission and I don’t need that on top of everything else. So… justifying the big jerk’s ranty-rant from the other day or so, I am going to be making an appointment to see my gyno PA later on today. *sigh* Just between myself and the entire Internet- I’m so bloody sick of going to the doctor. It’s become a hobby or something. Go, go, go to the doctor- once, twice, four times a month since September 2004. It’s enough to drive one distracted.
Other than that- since I’m bored: I’m going to Make My Own Orgone Generator just to see if they work. Why not? If I use tree resin, everything that goes into it will be salvageable, should the thing be a total waste of materials.
Aaannd finally- I may be gone this week. I’m considering a media fast, which includes checking my e-mail, posting at forums, and the like. I’ll probably update the fanlistings through Enth but other than that, I’m strongly considering being incommunicado.
January 12th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
(Interstitial Cystitis, Rants)
I went to the Uro as I said I had to on the 10th and it was not a pleasant experience.
First off, I was having a horrible flare. It hurt so awfully that I could not sit in my chair normally but had to sort of lay on my left hip, which I did, snuggled into Eloric’s shoulder. It hurt so badly that I was weeping in public. I wasn’t too ashamed of myself at the time, however, because I was in so much pain, I didn’t care what anyone thought of a grown woman silently bawling her eyes out at the hospital. I’m only slightly ashamed now. I had taken both of my pain medications beforehand but they helped precious little.
I saw the Uro and it’s official- he’s changing names. Dr. Asshat was rather belligerent throughout the entire appointment (which he came to an hour late… not that it was his fault, that shite happens… but I could have been weeping at home instead of creating a public spectacle of myself). It was as if he was mad that I was still in pain. Like I was wilfully keeping myself from responding to the whole four things he’s tried with me. He kept grilling me about my appointment with the gyno PA and the pill I was taking. I would answer him and it was as if he didn’t believe me when I told him what I’d told her. Then he got all pissed because I hadn’t made another appointment with her yet- For fsck’s sake- I just finished my first pack of new pills and just got off my period. But here he was, acting like I was neglectful for not having set up another appointment yet. She told me I didn’t have to unless I was having problems with the medication. I told him that- he sneered.
The he asks me about my “family planning” and I told him the only family I was planning was my cats. He looked at me as if I were a fucktard, looked at my husband as if he thought I was ruining Eloric’s life (despite that he already knew I was nulliparous and seemed to approve at the time) and said that I should get a hysterectomy. What the Fscking Fsck? Then he back pedals and says that he doesn’t know much about gynecology but if my cycle is having that much of an effect on my IC (though he is intent on blaming my IC pain on “female problems”) I should have it out. I’m 28. That would effectively put me into menopause (if it were a radical), thereby ruining my body early. Besides- as of right now I am aware of nothing in the state of my uterus that would necessitate its removal and furthermore, the removal of the uterus often causes bladder problems. He’s right: he knows bugger all about gynecology.
It is not as if I don’t want to be sterile… but I think that is quite the wrong way to handle it. Besides- whatever happened to “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it” ? Hysterectomy is often the cause of bladder prolapse and bladder prolapse not only aggravates IC but causes retention and pain of its own. Just because I was in a hell of a lot of pain doesn’t mean that it lowered my IQ by 45 points, buddy. Health was one of my favourite subjects and I still remember my shez and I still study it from time to time. I may not be a doctor but I’m not an idiot. People don’t magically become stupid because they’re in pain.
And no- I don’t give a rat’s bum if he was having a bad day or not. I’m paying him to act professional, which means to at least be civil. He wasn’t very civil. You don’t act an arse to someone in pain. Matter of fact, you don’t act that way to any patient.
He referred me to a female doctor who is a gyno with “an interest in IC”. I don’t exactly know what that means… has she studied it quite a lot or is it a hobby? I didn’t ask Dr. Cheery about it. But maybe she’ll not be such an ass and listen to me and not treat me as if I’m dim.
See, this is the sort of thing that makes me mad any more- people being shitty because I’m sick. The illness itself doesn’t bother me so much any more. It’s the way people treat me because of it. It’s the dick-sizing game everyone likes to play about pain- cos there’s always someone worse off or something more rare, so you aren’t allowed to feel how you are feeling. Don’t you feel guilty, feeling sorry for yourself because you’re in pain? Don’t you feel guilty because there are people worse off? Go crawl under the rug, you whiner. You’re not having such a bad time as that.
Yeah? Screw. I’m not playing the dick-sizing game with anyone any more.
January 12th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
(Metaphysical, Thoughts, Witches Weekly)
What is your definition of the divine, if you believe in divinity at all? (Do you adhere to a god/goddess, one spirit, many deities, etc)
What a tin of worms to open in my case. *lol* Note that I’ll be using “God” to mean the entire deity, not as a gender reference.
At the heart of it all, I believe that there is one supreme being who is androgynous, omnipresent, and omnipotent. I believe, however, that this being has created itself as all the different gods and goddesses, each with their own characteristics, likes, dislikes, spheres of power, etc. so that there is at least one “Divine Being” that everyone can relate to and understand. So I believe that all gods and goddesses are “God”. I believe that separately, Tara is God and that there also exists a God behind Her. I’m not sure if that makes much sense but it does to me. Which also means I’m cross-pantheons 
I also believe that “God” is visible in all of creation. God is in the air, in the earth, the animals, the plants, stones, places. I also believe that God is part of every person. Everything, everywhere is God- which is why I attempt to be respectful as possible towards everything… although it is sometimes hard to see someone screaming at me as God. *lol* Also, it’s sometimes hard to see myself as God but I’m working on it.
I was very loosely raised Methodist, so I think I’ve come quite a way in my perception of God. I went from thinking God was an angry old man with a long, white beard, sitting on a golden throne in the sky, judging my every move, to seeing the validity of everyone’s perception of God. ‘Course this doesn’t necessarily mean that I like some of the portrayals of God but then I don’t have to. I just have to accept that they are valid for someone else.
January 9th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
(Better Living Through Chemistry, Interstitial Cystitis)
Well, I have that Uro appointment tomorrow. I’m a little apprehensive as I am going to remind him that he was going to refer me to another Uro in regards to treating my pain. My pain, you ask? Well, it’s about the same as it ever was. I may have had one less day of agony (around 8.5 or 9) this cycle as opposed to the last cycle but I’ve had more days where the pain is at around a 6. I don’t know if this is related to my change of BCP or not. What I do know is that come hell or high water, someone’s going to address it.
I’m hoping he takes me off the Elmiron. I freely admit that I haven’t been taking it 200mg/24/7 but since I began again it just before Yule, my gums have gone to hell again and my period was like a B horror picture and lasted longer than it had any right to for being on the Pill. But at least my nose hasn’t brought forth any crimson rivulets, so score one for lower dosage, or something.
I am deathly afraid that he is going to put me on a course of DMSO instills. That stuff scares the bejesus out of me. I mean, it is an industrial solvent (albeit in a different concentration) and it’s in one of my Shadowrun sourcebooks, for goddess’ sake. If it’s in your Shadowrun material, it isn’t in there helping people- it’s in there to make a contact poison. But half-jokes aside, the stuff is generally considered barbaric nowadays because Heparin instills seem to have like results without the horrible pain that sometimes accompanies DMSO instills. I get oogy every time I see the letters D.M.S.O. I entertain a very rational fear that DMSO will turn me into a screaming, pain-riddled banshee- especially since my doctor is adverse to pain medication. But what choice have I if he wants to do that before farming me out? *crosses fingers* On the one hand, I would get farmed out but on the other… yeah. I’m terrified of DMSO.
I guess I’ll write more tomorrow. :/
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