January 31st, 2008 at 1:15 am
(News)
I really need to stop talking in cat macro-speak.
So this surgery that I underwent yesterday… not fun. The staff at the surgery were very cold and acted like it was my fault that my dentist did not set up a consultation appointment before the day of the surgery. They could have given two shits about how nervous I was over getting the general anesthetic and at no point attempted to make me feel more comfortable or reassure me. I was told absolutely nothing about some sort of electric-looking wrist-clamps that were put on me. Were they part of a TENS unit? Who knows? Even smiling at me seemed like a tribulation, though they at least seemed at ease with each other. I could not get them to smile or otherwise behave genuinely or warmly towards me. I guess the dental surgeon did regard me with a sort of benign detachment but that was it. Better than his nurse/assistant who was fake as hell.
I will say, however, that the IV stick was the easiest, most painless I’ve ever had.
I suppose the surgery was completed as well as possible- I have no idea. I was not awake. I’m not in much pain but I am somewhat nauseated- probably from the antibiotic I’m on. I even raided tonight. I’m a bit more tired than normal but that’s it.
I don’t think I would go back to that place even if their handiwork proves fantastic… that is if I had my druthers- they’re the only endontic surgery in the area. I simply felt as if I was something there to work on and somewhat of a bother as apparently my appointment was not scheduled in the way they like though by no fault of my own. I felt as if they didn’t care about me as a person but rather the thing that was paying them to fix it.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
(News)
I went out for the first time in about 3 years! And by out I mean with someone other than Eloric. My priest friend and I had a girls’ night out on Saturday and it was very fun. We talked a great deal, mostly about things I cannot mention. But it was cool.
I am having surgery on a tooth tomorrow and I am being knocked out for it. Honestly, I would not have chosen sedation had I not suffered through two gum surgeries in the span of one week’s time- but as I mentioned previously, the anesthetic wore off far too early on the last one and I’d just rather not know my name or address during this next round. I’m usually not such a pansy but I am tired of enduring and being brave and being totally awake and mostly aware of the horrible things occurring in my mouth.
January 24th, 2008 at 2:50 am
(News)
Enormous face infection note does not get you out of jury duty however great your pain and nausea.
So. I had another hole cut in my gums the other day, the anesthetic wore off early, and I screamed and cried for an hour. No uncontrollable vomiting this time around, however. I get it packed open again tomorrow. Joy.
Jury duty is both lame and boring when both sides have 6 hours of motions and negotiations and then the defendant takes a plea an hour after lunch. You feel patriotic for five minutes, then you remember all the things you could be doing, then you realise you are getting paid only $15 plus mileage for wasting 6 hours of your life. But it’s not a waste, it’s a civic responsibility! Erm. No, I think it was a waste for 90 people to sit in 2 very small rooms for 6 hours but hey, that’s just me. Some fellow who was locked in with us lost about $10,000 sitting there because he’s a high-risk shipper, so I really don’t think that evens out.
January 21st, 2008 at 2:20 am
(Better Living Through Chemistry, News)
Soooo.
Uh, I am continuing the Dental Nightmare theme from 2007 with a SPECTACULAR abscess that took over nearly the entire right side of my face. It happened thusly-
End of last year I had to have a tooth pulled because I cracked it clenching my jaw. I guess I really started clenching my jaw there after dad died and well, since the Unfortunate Surveyor Marker Accident of my sophomore year in high school, my teeth have been cracked and bad anyway. I had the permanent bridge put on a week ago, somewhere in there. Then I started getting the telltale twinges of an abscess in one of the teeth under the bridge. Next day- dentist. Day after that, frantic call to dentist- my face is swelling up to my eye and down my cheek. I believe the correct term for this is OH FSCK. *nod* Day after that, large hole made into my gum, many antibiotics and pain meds prescribed. Day after that, uncontrollable vomiting but face nearly normal, though it looks like someone clocked me in the eye. Still infected and dentist appointment tomorrow but doing much better.
Now about this vomiting… it was, as I mentioned, uncontrollable and might I add- vigorous. When it first hit me, I was in the bathroom talking to Eloric. I couldn’t even make it to the toilet. I puked in the bathtub which is only about 2 feet from the toilet, to be sure, but I couldn’t drag myself that far. The second time, I was on the phone with my dentist explaining to him that a huge clot had evacuated itself from my gums and I was about to freak out. Sitting in my chair I reached for the nearest washable item, my telletubby, and proceeded to vomit with great gusto all over the purple polar fleece, phone still in hand, dentist on the other end. Come in, said my wonderful dentist, I shall give you drugs for this. While waiting for him in the car at 10pm, uncontrollable vomit-attack #3 occurred, this time into a shopper as I was prepared. It was as if some alien had pressed a button from on high marked “VOMIT” and he was pressing it hard, repeatedly, and was probably laughing at me the entire time. Well, it turns out that I needed to break up my antibiotic dose and actually eat something before taking my painkiller- the second being a hard task as my tortured gut rejected everything but tea and canned pears.
I forgot to mention- when the dentist drained the abscess, the horrific stench. I would rather be thrown into the pit of an outhouse on the hottest summer day than smell that ever, ever again. Ever. I remember wondering how something that vile could come out of my face and how I could still be alive having produced such a… a… nasty bodily secretion as that.
Let’s exacerbate the situation, shall we? I have jury duty Tuesday. Let that sink in. Jury Duty. Tuesday. As in, though you are feeling like death warmed over, you must appear or be found in contempt of court. Owning property suddenly not such a wonderful thing after all. Perhaps I can get an excuse from the dentist? I hope so.
January 4th, 2008 at 12:49 am
(Thoughts)
I suppose I ought to make some sort of goal post for 2008. I really can’t believe it is 2008 but then I’ve been stuck in 2003 for 5 years now, so that’s no surprise.
1) Grieve.
I suppose this might be redundant to mention but enh. I need to stop running from my grief. I’m moving through the process but not uh, in a fluid motion. I need to be more realistic about it and I think I need to write about it on paper. I have not written in my paper journal at all since about two weeks or so before my father died. While there is no deadline to grief and maybe I’m being unrealistic here, I need to start moving again.
2) Keep Moving
My grieving process has consisted of as many books, internet conversations, and WoW as possible, as much sleep as possible, and as little moving as possible because moving seems stupid for some reason. I started walking again, 20 minutes a day. It’s not what I used to do- all that dancing and tai’chi and whatnot- but I need to keep doing it. Somehow moving brings the grief to the surface, however, and that’s probably why I’m loathe to do it.
3) Reclaim my Spirituality
After Dad’s death, all spiritual endeavors have seemed hollow, silly, and sometimes a sham. I admit that I do not blame the gods for what happened but it seems like pretend games to try to talk to them as I used to. Prayer seems silly, ritual seems like play-acting, and to put it bluntly- it all seems like a waste of time and wishful thinking. When I look back on my spirituality I find myself wondering how I believed it worked. I guess this is another Dark Night of the Soul. I need to take baby steps and find my way back through the tangle of grief and anger. I feel cut off and unable to reach the spiritual part of myself. I probably am angry on some level that there was nothing I could do about/for my dad. I also think I am shielding myself from spiritual matters because letting them back in would bring my father as someone across the Veil rather than my flesh and blood father to me and I’m not ready to admit that he has crossed over.
4) Start Writing Again
NaNoWriMo 2007 was a spectacular failure. I was too busy running from my grief and too depressed to be able to carry out a story of that magnitude. I still believe that writing will ultimately be healing but in this current state of mind, I want to be entertained rather than think up my own entertainment. Perhaps if I set a goal of one short story every two weeks or so I might be able to choke them out again.
I think I am going to stop with four goals this year as I do tend to get overambitious but also because I need to make progress in order to feel happy. I think that some of this stuff is do-able. I’m not going to blog incessantly about my progress either. If I can manage any good progress I may mention it but I’m not as hyped up as I used to be about life. Perhaps this will move me towards that again.
cats, 
