Satan Pill
This just in- Klonopin is the spawn of Satan himself… and I don’t particularly believe in just one supreme evil being. But I’m willing to revise my personal beliefs to accommodate the new belief that a devil or possibly devils, or at least a major demon exists as a small, lime-green pill.
So I was prescribed the “little old lady dose” of Rabragerag, Demon of Psychiatric Medicines with Horrible Side-Effects and told that hey, this is going to fix you right up. Since I don’t trust doctors or new medicines, particularly the ones that come with a long laundry list of side-effects such as Klonopin, I took the smaller of the doses prescribed to me because I was getting the aura that signals a panic attack two days ago. The next day I woke up feeling very dizzy, my entire body hurting, and my stomach feeling like it had been gnawed by a conclave of rabid badgers. But no panic attack, so I thought it was a good trade off from being out of circulation for 2 days hungover on Atarax. Last night: Omg, I has another aura! It is one of the bad times of the month! I dun wan suffer all day Tuesday! I took half the smallest dose prescribed for me. Woke up two hours later with a horrific 4 1/2 hour panic attack during which my bowels became so solvent that they demanded attention at least 6 times. I peed every 10 minutes, though had no bladder pain. I itched all over. I paced. Felt like I was going to faint once. Drank countless cups of water because I was so dry that my eyelids were seemingly sticking to my eyes. At 5am this morning, the demon finally left me and went to go harry some other poor bastard.
While I understand Satan Pill is a godsend for some people- I will never, ever, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER take this unholy concoction again. Ever. No sir, not me. I made an appointment to get the medicine changed. I would like to try Valium, since I’ve never had an adverse reaction to it and I’ve had it around 10-12 times. I don’t need something with a long half-life. I’m not so sure I need something that might sedate a horse. I’m relatively certain that I can do with a less satanic benzo at a smaller dose because if I catch the panic attack when it is an aura and deal with it medicinally- I’m good to go. I’m unsure why my PA decided to give me the second most addictive benzo in the spectrum and the second strongest. In my opinion, it’s only good for torturing people. Ye gods, this stuff is bad. I fail to understand how someone would go out of their way to abuse this shite. (Well, yes I do understand, I mean most people don’t have ultra-sensitive systems like I do but I like to get all dramatic, as you do when you feel as if you were just medically poisoned).
So as I write this, my stomach feels as though someone emptied it, took coarse grit sandpaper to the inside, and then refilled it with a heavy, caustic paste. My intestines hate me. My head hurts. My legs hurt. I am still very dry. But at least I don’t itch everywhere, right? Small victories. My brain is a little muzzy and I feel a bit slow. I feel as though I’ve been poisoned. With belladonna. (You read lots of historic novels, you will eventually get a description of belladonna poisoning. The Serpent Garden by Judith Merkle-Riley is where I got the description). I wish the cats hadn’t found my vial of homeopathic belladonna- I could try it and see if it helped.
Klonopin is the devil.
cats, 
