Augh!!!
I poisoned myself again. *sigh* This is much worse than trying to be gluten-free. I cannot believe the things I also forgot from going off gluten. I poisoned myself by laying my fresh, clean coriander on the fridge shelf without a second thought. My fridge shelves aren’t piggy-dirty but it’s been a few months since I’ve gone over them with bleach water. Result? PAIN! And all the other lovely allergic reaction things except wheezing. Hello toilet, my old friend. So sorry to see you once again. As together we endure the explosive sounds of… diarrhea. *sigh* As a result of this, I have begged Eloric to please bleach water my shelves, please wash the tainted dishes, please get me a new non-stick frying pan, please NEVER BRING MILK PRODUCTS INTO THE HOUSE AGAIN EVER. I’m still a bit sore from this most recent poisoning and more than a little paranoid.
My enthusiasm for cooking has dampened down considerably as I ponder other sources of possible contamination and as I do without a frying pan. I have to get new dish brushes and possibly a new blender. Ye gods this is a pain in the digestive system, not just the tail end of it. I am fluctuating between being totally afraid of my kitchen to having such (idiotic) inextinguishable hope that I can again cook something from a recipe without destroying my digestive tract. I suppose the only good thing about this… I mean from a totally illogical standpoint, naturally, is that I haven’t much of an appetite. Really, I guess the good thing is that I actually have to apply what I was taught about cross-contamination. I’m just so not enthused over bleaching everything in the kitchen ever and spending yet more money on new utensils and appliances. Not to mention that Eloric, though extremely concerned about my well-being, is probably at least a little put out over the declaration of all milk products being contraband.
I’m more than halfway through my first bottle of Atarax syrup. I suppose this is good and bad. I mean I still have the pills I was originally given but cutting them open to get a smaller dose is a very inexact exercise. I’d still have quite a lot of syrup if it wasn’t an antihistamine in addition to being used for anxiety. Did I mention that consumption of milk or milk protein is definitely what triggers my panic attacks? Well it is. Which is why the syrup works so well for me. It’s a little absurd to see a grown woman measuring out medicine for her in a kiddie-graduated medicine spoon, but if that’s what it takes… I mean in addition to not poisoning myself every 5 days… Once I stop poisoning myself, I won’t need the Atarax at all unless I poison myself again or if someone else does it for me. But I don’t ever plan on eating out again anyway. 
Mother, bless her heart, I guess, tried to poison me the other day. She still refuses to get that I can’t have “just a little” milk product here and there. No, still can’t have goat’s milk. No, still can’t have skim milk. No, can’t have any of that chocolate bar- it’s milk chocolate from somewhere that doesn’t give an ass about cross-contamination anyway. It’s so frustrating to explain again and again that I can’t have milk. It’s like she has selective amnesia about milk and milk products where she was *really* good about wheat and gluten and whatnot.
cats, 
